“Yes, sir, your insurance plan is no longer being offered,” the faceless voice said with a vague approximation of care, but no substance.
Me: “Yes, I gathered that from the poorly written email I received just thirty days before it was supposed to renew.”
“I understand you wanted to know why the plan was being discontinued?”
“Yes, that’s why I asked to speak to a manager.”
“It’s because the plan no longer conforms with the Affordable Care Act.”
“Yes, that’s what the last person told me. I wanted to know exactly how it doesn’t conform? The ACA is an old piece of legislation. Did something change?”
“Oh no, nothing changed. Well, not yet, anyway.” [A sideways comment on Trump’s recent election]
“Then in what way does the plan not conform with the law?”
“Well, um. That’s an interesting question. I just know we can’t offer this plan anymore.”
“Well, maybe you can’t offer the plan anymore because it’s illegal, in a way you haven’t yet demonstrated, or maybe this is a clever way of raising your rates. I can’t be sure unless I understand why you can’t offer it anymore.”
“I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I suppose you could research the ACA and find out more…?” she said plaintively, with a hint of desperation. There were tones of sympathy on top of the dead-end she presented. Whipped cream on shit.
“I should do the research, then? I think the burden of proof is on you guys, isn’t it? You effectively raised my rate $100/month with a month’s notice and claim you have to. I’d like to know the proof of that without having to read the Affordable Care Act.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve told you all I know.” She sounded so sad and helpless, but still didn’t care. It was as if she invited me into the helpless victim place we could share together and somehow cope with this mysterious policy change that surely could not be explained. It was an invitation for me to give up. That’s all the queue I need.
“Are you familiar with the common complaint made about our healthcare system that the patient has to be their own advocate because the doctors don’t put the best interests of the patient first?”
“Yes.”
“This is an administrative version of that. It’s your responsibility to tell me why you have to do this, otherwise, I’ll assume you’re just trying to get more money out of me. You’re taking away the ‘Gold’ plan and leaving me with three ‘Platinum choices.’ My choices are expensive, more expensive, and most expensive. Do you realize how little sense that makes? I hardly think that was the spirit of the Affordable Care Act, do you?”
Why is it that I so often have to muster a cinematic-level monologue of critical thinking and incisive wit to get the attention of people like this, caught in a trance of doing-the-minimum-to-get-by? Why do I feel like I’m on the floor of the senate when I talk to customer service people, fighting against the decline of civility, responsibility, and ethics? Perhaps I should record these idiotic conversations and expose them to the world.
More and more often I train the customer service people who are supposed to be serving me, because the concept of responsibility continues to erode in our culture. This manager literally suggested I read the ACA (it’s 906 pages) to figure out how my canceled healthcare plan didn’t comply. That is batshit crazy. A day later, I’m still completely stunned and saddened by this. The abdication of responsibility is so severe that I stop breathing when I let myself feel it.
After my sufficiently gripping monologue (I’d like to be played by Anthony Hopkins, please), she agreed to look into it and get back to me. Wanna bet she doesn’t? Or if she does, it’s not with a satisfying answer? Don’t worry, my next stop is the Department of Consumer Affairs.
I don’t blame the manager (entirely), though, because these kinds of problems are inevitably systemic. When employees aren’t cared about by their managers, they pass that apathy onto customers. When managers are overwhelmed, they don’t take the time to explain the “why” to employees behind policy, so those employees can’t pass the logic (if there is any) onto customers.
When leadership doesn’t embody their stated values, everyone has to pretend they are, while no one is exemplifying how it’s done. That’s how you end up with a healthcare company with so little health and care: because profit matters more than either of those things.
The company? Kaiser Permanente. Such an odd name, right? A permanent Prussian emperor with Latin flair? Apparently, Henry Kaiser named it after Permanente Creek in Cupertino, CA, but where’s the meta? It sounds like a name out of Idiocracy and belongs alongside Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator, Extra Big Ass Fries, and Starbucks Exotic Coffee for Men.
Kaiser’s three core principles? Wait for it.
“We care. We advocate. We thrive.”
There’s certainly truth to the last one. I’m sure the executives and major shareholders thrive on the $2.1B profit in Q2 2024. It’s too bad the ACA hit them so hard, right? It’s still somehow causing them grief (which they pass onto customers) fourteen years after Obama passed it.
Now it’s your turn: where don’t you embody your values? How does that show up? How does it impact you and others?
And if you have employees, do they understand what responsibility and ownership really means, or are they going through the motions and allowing customers to project manage their own problems?
These are some of the many things I help business leaders with. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can do better. Hit reply if you want some help getting there.
One more thing: when you encounter bullshit customer service like this, please don’t tolerate it. Find your inner Anthony Hopkins, or whomever your thespian hero is. Bureaucracy and greed win when it wears down the consumer, giving us a maze so complicated we say, “Oh, for God’s sake, I’ll just pay the money, this isn’t worth the trouble.” Don’t reward insanity with your hard-earned dollars. Take your business elsewhere, or if you can’t, raise hell. And most importantly, don’t be a part of the problem yourself!