Playing the underdog is a form of victimhood that forms a noble identity around the delusion of powerlessness and the fear of change. The deflection attracts good-hearted, sincere, hard-working people who truly mean well. However, their relationship to their own power is deeply conflicted. They unconsciously create an external world that matches their anxious inner…
As 2018 comes to a close, it is apropos for us to take a look back and see how far we’ve come. This is a great time of year to reflect on growth and lessons learned. It’s also good to look deep and see the areas where we still need work. For me, 2018 meant…
There’s a zen story of an old farmer who worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck!” they said, sympathetically. “Maybe,” the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful!”…
This deflection is named after the oft-called “father of western philosophy,” who was killed for how he used not-knowing and powerful questions to expose flaws in people’s perception, reasoning, and values. It won’t surprise you that he’s one of my heroes, and certainly one of my teachers. After you learn to use the Socratic Method,…
In my series of excuses, today I’ll be talking about Self-Contradiction. It’s a lack of clarity on its surface but often arises from deep-seated commitment issues. Not often used blatantly, this type of deflection may be tricky to spot. The contradictions are sometimes so subtle they require deep listening to detect. Manager: So who’s going…
“Good morning, I see you’re a bit late. And it looks like you’ve got mustard on your chin.” “I couldn’t get my son out of bed this morning, then there was a huge line at the hot dog stand—when I got mustard on my chin—but the guy didn’t give me the right change, so I…
Greg came to me frustrated. He felt like he was spinning his wheels. He owned a chain of four retail stores and was, by most people’s measure, successful. But he wasn’t fulfilled. His business was profitable, his customers happy, and his employees more engaged than most. “Something just doesn’t feel right,” he told me, “I have so…
In my newsletter this week, I told the story of how the list of excuses came about. (You’re subscribed, right?) I had been working with a management team to increase accountability and responsibility in their company culture, but was hearing excuses left and right from the management themselves. In frustration, I sat down for a…
I once served a business owner, let’s call him Aaron, who lead a cohort of his employees through my Clear Workspace, Open Mind course. While the course is on the surface about getting organized, it inevitably challenges the way people relate to work itself and calls them to a higher level of productivity and excellence.…
I once struggled with a client, let’s call him Corey, who became easily upset—or so I thought. I never actually experienced it, but I did notice that he became slightly agitated when the conversation wasn’t entirely positive, and he would quickly change the subject. I found myself giving him a wide berth. But I needed…